How quickly some people bounce back!

And how slowly the rest of us do.

My biological father, as it happens, has already forgiven himself for cheating on my mom and family for the past 6 years. He's over it.

He's decided that if we aren't over it, then we are being unscriptural, for not forgiving him. It's infuriating that he has managed to regain 100% of his arrogance, self-righteousness, and sanctimoniousness 6 months after being caught in his filth.

He is a renewed member of that stupid cult, the Plymouth Bretheren, and though they know of his past misdeeds, they are not holding him accountable at all. He was breaking bread at his first or second meeting. He recently gave a sermon (all the men take turns).

He is absolutely convinced that he is correct in his choice of congregations, and nothing I, my mom, or my brother can say will change his mind. He is so far gone, on this path of feeding his narcissism.

His friend, "Smith," is another member of the cult, but he lives far away from a meeting. Will he attend another church, which is reachable on a Sunday morning? Oh no, because they have deceived themselves with the idolatry of the church.

Yeah, okay. Let's talk deception.
1) Cheating on your wife for 6 years with more women than you can accurately recall.
2) Having a secret email account to use for porn, chat rooms, arranging meetings with women.
3) Spending a week at a time with a woman on your work company's dime.
Hmm... and now for self-deception?
You still believe that your wife and family will return to that stupid cult.
And how about the fact that you claim you don't need a counselor, accountability group (like a sex-addicts annoymous group), books, or anything else. You'll read the Bible and ignore the rest. Fair enough that the Bible is stronger than any of the above list, but why wouldn't you want to do EVERYTHING possible to make sure that you are recovered? If your relationship with your family was at stake, wouldn't you do anything to get them back?

Apparently, not.

Apparently, his opinion is the only one that matters, and if we disagree, then we are just wrong. There isn't a chance in the world that he is wrong. He knows he's right.
His blind errancy boils my blood.

I honestly do not believe that he cares at all for me. Where's the evidence to the contrary?
He bought me a flute. We aren't rich, so this was a financial burden. But, there's certainly a difference between buying something and, oh I don't know, taking 10 minutes to call your daughter at school because you haven't seen her in a few weeks. Or, even writing me an email, seeing as you're on the computer more than you do anything else.

My mom and his counselor believe that he cares for me. But the truth is he always cared most about himself. Honestly, I still believe that he ONLY cared for himself.

Which leads me to my biggest fear: becoming him.
If his father was able to pass on the narcissist lifestyle, who's to say I'm not one? How do you know? If you spend enough time worrying about it and thinking about it, isn't that narcissist to dwell on yourself? I guess the only answer is to NOT think about it, and fixate on other people. But if that worry is still nagging in the back of your mind...

And of course, growing up, all I've ever heard is how I'm like my dad. I have his sense of humor (which I disagree with), I like the same TV shows as him (well, that's true. House is a good show), I am naive like him, etc, etc. I always hated hearing that. But now, it hurts extra. If I play a video game, then I'm like him- stuck on the computer. But I spend SO many hours working for my double major in college. I'm taking 18 credits, and I have a job. I am by no means lazy. And now when someone in my family suggests I am like my father, it is like a knife through my heart.

I would never betray them the way he has. I would never devalue their love for me, or my love for them. To me, suggesting I am like him is like rejecting my humanity. I may as well be dead if I am like him, for I will only bring pain to my loved ones.

We've nicknamed my father "Voldemort" in our house. My mom has watched some of the Harry Potter movies with me, and my brother at least knows the media hype about the movies, so they both certainly know that he is the villain in Harry Potter. But only I've read the books and know just how perfectly this metaphor fits.

***Spoiler alert- if you haven't read the 7th book and you care about Harry Potter, don't read the following.
In the 7th book, Harry dies. Before he is admitted into the afterlife, Harry looks about himself and sees odd, sickly, shapeless creatures. These are the pieces of Voldemort's soul. To me, my father is like one of those pieces. He's not even a whole person. He is torn, repulsive, sickly, and evil. I want nothing to do with him. He is utterly revolting and deformed, mutilated. It's like watching one of those horror movies that make you want to vomit because you have never been exposed to something so foul.

To suggest that I am like him is possibly most hurtful thing you could do to me right now.